What did cutting my hair mean to me?
I used hair as a crutch. It was my support. It was confirmation that I was beautiful.
On September 29th, 2017, I decided to do away with it. Yes, I made the decision to cut off my hair. It was something that I’ve always wanted to do. I was frustrated with my 4C mane and how much maintenance it required, and quite frankly I wanted a change. I decided that if I cut my hair and dyed it, it would be “bomb”. So that’s exactly what I did. I had no real vision of what I wanted I just knew that I wanted a new look. So here we go.
I chopped it all off and my first reaction was tears. I looked at Vaughn while driving and instantly burst into tears. What have I just done I thought to myself? I can’t believe I really went through with this. Why did no one talk me out of this? Wow I’m going to have to wear makeup everyday so everyone knows I’m a girl. These were the thoughts that ran through my mind on the drive home. Thank God, I had Vaughn there to give me the support I needed. He reassured me that I was beautiful and had nothing but positive feedback on my new look. His reaction made me feel so much better about the cut.
I said all that to say I cried because this was something new and completely out of my comfort zone. My hair wasn’t super long to begin with but I learned to love my kinky fro, so seeing something contrary of that threw me off my game. I didn’t know how to feel at first because I knew that I wouldn’t be able to wear my weaves. I had to learn to appreciate my natural beauty. I could no longer hide behind society’s perceived beauty ideal, I had to create and live my own. I had to realize that hair didn’t define beauty, and for me to really believe that I had to experience it.
So again, I ask what did cutting my hair mean to me? It meant change, it meant being uncomfortable and it meant owning my beauty. Now here I am, feeling more beautiful than ever and loving the decision I made.